In this article from PFS France (http://www.propertyforsalefrance.co.uk/), B A Boyle a British expat, writes a “tongue in cheek” account about the communication challenges they faced when they moved to France.
For many newcomers to France, one of the greatest challenges is actually to make sense of the French language which we studied years ago in school.
If you’re lucky you may still remember a little vocabulary or how to conjugate verbs, the exceptions and the rules. Nevertheless, beware. french learned at school has its limitations. It’s most unlikely that you will be able to impress anyone by asking “Where is the station?” “I’d like to book a room with a shower” or even “How do I get to the Eiffel Tower”
So, soon after we moved here, we came to rely on two very good pieces of advice:
If you can’t make yourself understood, try saying it in a different way.
Learn how to ask politely for the French person to speak a little slower/clearer for example “doucement, S’il vous plait” (literally, softly please)
Let me give you an example. Our first summer here and we’re living in a quiet little French village. We’re ready to receive our first visitors, daughter, son-in law,
About the Author
BA Boyle writes on PFS France (http://www.propertyforsalefrance.co.uk/) a website that helps French property owners advertise and sell, and potential buyers find, some of the finest and best cared for traditional French properties available.
The term agoraphobia is generally misunderstood and mistreated. Its literal definition suggests a fear of ‘open spaces.’ This is not only incomplete, but a misleading view. Agoraphobics are not necessarily afraid of open spaces. Instead, they are afraid of having panicky feelings, wherever these fearful feelings may occurat home, in public buildings, or in crowded supermarkets, driving a car or driving over bridges or places that are certainly not ‘open,’ but are unfamiliar or triggers feelings of being ‘out of control.’
The majority of sufferers are women and the onset is usually early in adult life. Depressive and obsession symptoms and social phobias may also be present but do not dominate the emotional picture. In the absence of effective treatment, agoraphobia often becomes chronic, though usually fluctuating. In my experience working with agoraphobics three traumatic experiences were prevalentverbal (emotional) abuse, physical (hitting/spanking) and/or sexual abuse/incest.
In these three scenarios the person has been ‘overwhelmed’ and ‘out of control’ of their environment by the verbal, physical or sexual abuse perpetrator’s behavior. Because these traumas are usually perpetrated by the parent, or someone the child knows and trusts implicitly the child’s reaction is one of betrayal, fear of reprisal if they tell and fear for their very life.
Along with being hit/spanked the parent declares, “I hit you for your own good. This hurts me worse than it hurts you. If you were good I wouldn’t have to hit you,’ or many other variations of this theme, which serves to blame and shame the child and disavow any responsibility of the adult.
The confusing message a sexual abuse/incest survivor endures is even more insidious, because it is implied that the child is special. The perpetrator doesn’t say, “Come here and I will abuse you,” but, “Come here because you are special (my daughter), I love you and I want to show affection;” thus she is deceived, and the affection she expected was in fact abuse. Not only has she been duped and betrayed, she is ‘out of control’ with regard to what she experiences. Thus, she goes into shock and then struggles mightily to come to gripes with her experience and feelings. No sooner has she regained her equilibrium (which may take days or weeks) she experiences the abuse again, and thus she is ‘out of control’ again. This roller coaster existence becomes a way of life for her. At some point she will vow to: “Never allow herself to be vulnerable, out of control or duped.” Thus, anything which triggers the feelings of vulnerability, being out or control or duped catapults the survivor back into the shock and struggle to come to gripes with her experience and feelings.
Traditional talk therapy/psychotherapy treats symptoms because symptoms can be quantified and identified, or so it is claimed by traditional modern medical and psychiatric practices. Thus Emotional Pain is described in terms of symptoms Agoraphobia, Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem issues, Mood Swings, Compulsive Behavior, Chronic and Acute Fear, Self-Injury, Suicidal Thoughts, Shame, Guilt, Eating Disorders, or Addictions) does not heal itself. Time, marriages, children, success, wealth, buying a bigger house, or faster car, changing jobs or relocating will not CURE it. The damage is sometimes very deep, pervasive and profound. It is a soul injury. The person has been robbed of his or her integrity, core identity and trust.
The legacy of every unhealed verbal, physical or sexual abuse survivor includes diminished self-worth, limited ability to trust, and the burden of a shameful secret she or he cannot express. This legacy leaves the survivor’s ability to develop necessary life skills inhibited. She remains co-dependent on her caretakersher nuclear or extended family, foster parents or her surrogate family, babysitter, doctor or priestwho have frequently become another abuser. In her diminished self-worth, limited ability to trust and the burden of a shameful secret she becomes anxious as to how she will continue managing the rigors of life. Thus, she needs some way to cope with these burdens and anxiety arises. A person may fear having anxiety attacks, ‘losing control’, or embarrassing him/herself in such situations. Many people remain in a painful state of anxious anticipation because of these fears. Some become restricted or ‘housebound’ while others function ‘normally’ but with great difficulty, working gallantly to hide their discomfort.
Agoraphobia arises from an internal anxiety process that has become so intense that the suffering individual fears going anywhere or doing anything where these feelings of panic or feeling ‘out of control’ have repeatedly occurred before. Once the panic attacks have started, these episodes become the ongoing stress, even when other more obvious pressures have diminished. This sets up a “feedback condition” which generally leads to increased numbers of panic attacks and, for some people, an increase in the situations or events which can produce panicky feelings. Others experience fearful feelings continuously, more a feeling of overall discomfort, rather than panic. Agoraphobia is both a severe anxiety reaction and a phobia reaction, as well as a pattern of avoidant behavior.
The good news is: Emotional, physical and sexual abuse can be healed. Healing takes place when the core issue is addressed. Treating depression, anxiety, panic, or agoraphobia is treating symptoms. Treating symptoms does not heal the internal wounds which the trauma created or change the behaviors the survivor has chosen to cope with the pain, avoid the pain or numb the pain. Using a variety of healing techniques the core wound can be healed, thus the verbal (emotional), physical and sexual abuse becomes a distant memory and the painful aftereffects no longer existi.e. the agoraphobia (panic, anxiety, feeling out of control, etc) is no longer needed as a coping mechanism.
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, If I’d Only Known… Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention. specializes in verbal, sexual abuse/incest and physical abuse prevention and recovery. http://www.gen-assist.com/book.asp
Ducks bounce back, top Canucks 3-2
Some risk takers may recently have heard of the term “offshore sports betting”, though maybe aren’t totally positive what it conveys. An offshore gaming internet site basically runs outside of the territory of a single country or else it could be a networked gaming web site deploying their central computers in a state in which web based sports betting is not presently forbidden. In short therefore, it’s a wagering site active outside the country of the purchaser. Internet sports wagering world wide websites are mostly governed with the help of 3 organisations. These are known as the OSGA (the Offshore Gaming Association), IGC (Interactive Gaming Council) and finally the Fidelity Trust Gaming Association (the FTGA).
The Offshore Gaming Association is in fact a nonpartisan body which oversees the modern overseas sports gambling industry, their duty is to give sports gambling fans an avenue to easily choose acclaimed internet companies to play gambling games on, without stress. It attempts to guard customer’s rights, and in addition they charge no membership charges. The association are an expert not to mention non-biased third party agency who voice objective viewpoints, indicated by customer feedback, nonpartisan studies, phone conversations, tips furthermore delivers inside bulletins.
The Interactive Gaming Council are a non-profit-making organization. The organization has been created to allow an arena for involved individuals to address controversies and in addition to move forward common concerns in the multinational online gambling industry, in an effort to establish open not to mention dutiful commercial codes and practises that heighten client faith in net based gaming products and utilities, and to function as the gambling trade’s global practise representative and in addition the Interactive Gaming Council offers an information center.
The IGC has established a distinction for advancing dependability, stability also solidity by virtue of its tough ethics, and its allure to business concerns of good conduct. The IGC regularizes overseas gambling by utilising an original ten step series of standards and charges betting business enterprises a payment to display the council’s logo. Disgruntled betting buffs may, should they require, disclose their arguments to the Interactive Gaming Council.
The Fidelity Trust Gaming Association was founded in a venture to generate a benchmark which will upgrade the actions of live gambling trading operations. The Interactive Gaming Council understand that doing business exclusively with credible internet sites, they are able to hammer out a coalition of the most honest and professional online betting operations worldwide.
These are governing bodies that try to survey the transactions practised by on-line betting and which should in time assist to take the sting out of some of the apprehensions held by cynics. Machine-accessible sports gambling web sites are nowadays actually harmless, in that personal details shouldn’t be demanded and the returns and the betting odds are as uniform and sportsmanlike as common Vegas-type sportsbet. These web sites cut down the traveling outlay, but preserve of a casino, but today you may bet at your own computer.
